Monday, July 20, 2009

Brothers in Arms

Americans like catchy phrases, and if it is a catchy phrase with a military ring to it, so much the better... and seeing as how dellhell revisited is all about firing shots across the bow of the other lumbering dreadnought from texas that is Dell, Brothers in Arms seemed as good a choice as any for a title today.

If we are going to talk about Brothers in Arms in regards to the fight being waged in the trenches of dell hell, we must make mention of the first Colonel of the Regiment, Jeff Jarvis, who unfortunately went over to the enemy after a fierce series of skirmishes in the early part of this century.

After the changing of the guard, Dell Hell wandered about the internet, thousands of angry voices without center. Good news is I've learned just the past few days that Dell Hell has opened another front in the war, the fight being carried to Europe from some unpronounceable place in Sweden. I guess they are making up for sitting out the big one in WWII.

So what do I know about the dell hell team in Sweden? Not a damn thing, the entire website is in swedish (makes sense, I guess), and all I know of sweden is it is skitkallt and the girls are skitsnygg...

Anyway, if you can read swedish you can check it out yourself at and if you want to see a skitsnygg swedish girl check out tiger woods wife.

So for you poor souls cast in to dell hell, be comforted to know that our side is winning.

Do you hear that in Round Rock? CAN you hear that in Round Rock? WE are winning... cash your checks man, light your fancy cuban cigars, but be sure to take a moment and kiss my ass.

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Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Dell Hell - By the Numbers 13

Well, it's time again for that bit of fun known here in dell hell as a "By the Numbers" blog, and they are among my favorites to write. Numbers are easy, as long as they aren't too big...

1 - shareholder who had the cajones to get up and ask why they were paying bonuses to Dell executives who have been presiding over what can best be described as a mess. Here is a quote to get you going... "Shareholders who held stock for 12 months lost half their money. Stock was down 50 percent, thousands of employees were laid off. Yet I see in most cases, executive compensation is up, in some cases significantly. I'm just trying to understand how something like that can be justified, given that shareholders and employees have suffered so much."

1.1 - million dollars, which is the annual cost for security for Michael Dell (security from shareholders??)

1.05 - dollars, which is the amount dell shares fell after the recent analyst meeting at Dell HQ

8.1 - the percentage fall in share price 1.05 represents

2 - Number of stars dell was awarded by the Motley Fool investment community (that ain't good folks) and here is a quote from one of them... "Dell is a pretender and their best days will always be in their rear view mirrors."

2 - Number of times in little more than a week that dell offered deals too good to be true online in Taiwan, much to the displeasure of Taiwanese officials and thousands of citizens who tried to take advantage of the offers.

-18.7 - percentage growth for dell in the last quarter compared to 08

1.2 - percentage growth for HP in the same quarterly comparison

So there it is, small numbers tell a big story...

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Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Dell Hell - Semi European Edition Pt 2

Wow, investors and consumers in the UK have long marvelled at the unique ways Americans have of doing business, but might be left a bit worried by the latest news from the gang who won't shoot straight.

Dell has been found in contempt of court in the State of Louisiana in a case involving alleged misdeeds in regards security apparatus for the city of New Orleans.

In a case involving security cameras, dell, when ordered to turn over relevant emails from within the company did not even use the word "camera" in the search of dell computers... the Louisiana judge overseeing the case was furious. A new search is ongoing using court ordered search words.

At a time when quite a few American name brands (and Americans for that matter, hello Bernie Madoff, how is the new cell?) are a pariah for less than honest business dealings, Dell seems at risk of joining them.

Dell is sitting on about $11 Billion in cash and there is much speculation on what they might spend it on... bail bonds might be in order.

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